Impromptu Bridal Shower

Because most of the ladies in my family and close friends were coming in from out-of-town, I opted out of having a shower/bachelorette party. I felt that having everyone coming in from out-of-town was enough of a gift. Additionally, I’m not a big fan of the bachelorette (hire-a-stripper party) and I’m not girly enough to enjoy a traditional bridal shower.

A week ago my mom called me and said that we were having a mandatory family dinner at my Uncle’s house in southern Orange County. She insisted that it was the only quiet time for all of us to be together before the wedding festivities. She told me that I was required to go.

I was so exhausted from driving around that I really tried to get out of it. Try as I might. My aunt and mother wouldn’t let me off the hook. I should have known better.

The ladies in my family decided to throw me a suprise shower/lingerie party. It was a sweet thought and I was touched by the gesture. However, there is nothing more awkward than unwrapping a super deluxe vibrator in front of your mom and your very Catholic aunt. My aunt and cousin even had me read the info on the vibrator box aloud.

Apparently, they thought it would be a great idea get everyone to buy me all new lingerie from Frederick’s of Hollywood. I love lingerie, but why Frederick’s?! I guess they thought I needed to start a new career as a stripper to pay for my wedding. I have enough chintzy polyester and cheap lace lingerie to put trailer park hoes to shame. The only thing I’m missing are the clear heels.

My Maid of Honor took pictures of the whole thing. Sadly, here they are…

Sorting the gifts before the madness begins
I can’t believe this is the first thing they made me openThe erection-killer. Can you guess who bought this nightgown?
Coming soon to a strip club near you…What purpose does a thong with a veil serve? Is this really considered sexy?!

At the end, I don’t know who was worse off, me or my mom.

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